if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
