So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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