I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
