I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
