I got chris browned last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
