Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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