I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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