so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
