You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
