WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
