WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
