I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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