He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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