You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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