The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
