he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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