I just made out with a guy for $7.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if only i could text you this smell
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
