I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
