R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
two words...techno handjob
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
