I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
