I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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