That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
