Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
