I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
