took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
