8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
