I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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