I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
