I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
