My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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