I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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