she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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