did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
