i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
