they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The ass gains better be worth it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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