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fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
