I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
