i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
