my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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