you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
