Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
