The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
