His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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