my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
