o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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