There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
