Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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