I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
