toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
