if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
