Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to have your abortion
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
