Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
