You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
