"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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