Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
