I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
