So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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