OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
