did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
