Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
